you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
