god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
