I love black thongs
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't turn off my feet"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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