I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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