Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
