yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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