it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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