worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
