bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
