I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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