Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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