Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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