I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
