You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
