They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
