i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
