I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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