I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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