I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
