as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
