There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
