Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
