She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
