if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
