I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
