I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
