just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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