my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
