I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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