you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please come you make the beer taste better
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
