Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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