her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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