i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
