dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
