Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
