Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
