I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
