you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
