When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
