Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
