why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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