Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
