The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
