Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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