I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
