He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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