sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
