sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
