we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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