She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
