Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
