I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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