when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
