also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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